So how does a man serve as the Pastor of his home and provide the spiritual leadership his wife and children need? Here are some specific ways you can follow the servant leader example of Christ with your family.
1) Take your family to church regularly. Many folks will say that you don't have to attend church to be a Christian, and while that is technically true, it misses the point. If your goal is to pattern yourself as a servant leader in the model of Christ, then you have to look to his behavior. Luke 4:16 tells us that it was Christ's regular practice to be in the synagogue on the Sabbath. If it was important for Jesus to be in a house of worship on the Sabbath, then I think it's safe to say that it is important to your family too.
2) Make it your business to serve your kids at every opportunity. Christian leadership is really about being an effective servant to God, your family, and your fellow man. Don't sit back at the dinner table and wait to be served. Be proactive and serve everyone else. Wash the dishes, fold some laundry, help the kids make the bed. Be service minded and your kids will too.
3) Don't miss an opportunity to teach your kids. A big part of a pastor's job is teaching the congregation. If you want to be the pastor in your home, you've got to teach too. Too many times fathers are quick to criticize and find fault. While it's part of a father's job to point out error when appropriate, we should always try to pair that with a message about the way something should have been done. Always be ready to say, "here, let me show you how to do it" or "now let me explain the reason why we don't..."
4) Love their mother. The Bible describes the church as the bride of Christ. If you want to demonstrate Christian leadership in your home, then you've got to obey the command that tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Serve your wife. Sacrifice for your wife. Never do anything major without first considering what effect it will have on her. The way you treat your wife will impact the type of husbands your sons will make and set the bar for what your daughters will expect in a potential mate. For those of you guys who are divorced or had a child when you weren't married, it is still very important to treat the mother of your children with courtesy and respect. (I don't care how much she does to make you angry)
5) When it comes to complaining, shut your pie hole. If you want to be the spiritual leader in your home put a sock in it when it comes to complaining in front of your children. A habit of complaining and murmuring is one of the worst things you can pass down to a child. A hopeful and content attitude is one of the hallmarks of a man who has put his trust in the Lord. Let your walk demonstrate that you have a peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7) Trust me, it will show through and it will make a ton of difference in all of your relationships, especially within your family.
I'm sure some are wondering why there is no mention of prayer, bible reading, or devotionals in this list above. There will be more to come on those subjects later in the week.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
The best advice I ever got about being a Dad
You know when you start having kids you get a lot of advice from people. Some of it is bad. Some of it is just tongue in cheek nonsense. Some of it is actually pretty good. The best advice I've ever got on parenting came from my Pastor at Riverland Hills Baptist Church Dr. Ed Carney.
Meeting in his office one day we got to discussing the subject of fatherhood. Ed asked me "You know what your biggest job is as a Dad right?" I paused for a second realizing I had never approached the idea of fatherhood with such a systematic thought process. I knew a list of things Dad's should do...provide financially, protect his children, take them to church, be sure they get an education, etc...
Before I could answer Ed told me, "You have to be the Pastor in your home. You see I'm only their Pastor one day a week for just a few hours. Your family needs pastoral leadership every day, all the time. That's you. That's your job. It's more important than anything else."
As soon as he said it, a light clicked on in my head. I'd read the Bible. I knew much of what it said about the husband being the head of the home, raising your children in the way they should go, not provoking your children to wrath, etc. but this simple word of wisdom put all of it into a new simple perspective to me.
My #1 job as a husband and father is to provide spiritual leadership. That starts with making a commitment to raising them up within the community of church and modeling the Gospel of Christ in my life. My kids know that church is important to Daddy. But more than that, they know Monday through Saturday that God is the real boss in our home. If you don't make that plain then you aren't really living the Gospel in front of them, you are just showing them how to be a hypocrite.
Now you may say, "I don't know anything about being a Pastor. How am I supposed to do that?" Don't let that trouble you. You may not know how, but if you humbly and sincerely submit yourself to the leadership of God, then He will show you how to lead your family.
I'll write some more this week about practical ways you can show practical, pastoral leadership in your home.
Meeting in his office one day we got to discussing the subject of fatherhood. Ed asked me "You know what your biggest job is as a Dad right?" I paused for a second realizing I had never approached the idea of fatherhood with such a systematic thought process. I knew a list of things Dad's should do...provide financially, protect his children, take them to church, be sure they get an education, etc...
Before I could answer Ed told me, "You have to be the Pastor in your home. You see I'm only their Pastor one day a week for just a few hours. Your family needs pastoral leadership every day, all the time. That's you. That's your job. It's more important than anything else."
As soon as he said it, a light clicked on in my head. I'd read the Bible. I knew much of what it said about the husband being the head of the home, raising your children in the way they should go, not provoking your children to wrath, etc. but this simple word of wisdom put all of it into a new simple perspective to me.
My #1 job as a husband and father is to provide spiritual leadership. That starts with making a commitment to raising them up within the community of church and modeling the Gospel of Christ in my life. My kids know that church is important to Daddy. But more than that, they know Monday through Saturday that God is the real boss in our home. If you don't make that plain then you aren't really living the Gospel in front of them, you are just showing them how to be a hypocrite.
Now you may say, "I don't know anything about being a Pastor. How am I supposed to do that?" Don't let that trouble you. You may not know how, but if you humbly and sincerely submit yourself to the leadership of God, then He will show you how to lead your family.
I'll write some more this week about practical ways you can show practical, pastoral leadership in your home.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
25 things continued 6-10
And the list continues...
6. I've had three dreams of what I'd like to accomplish in life. The first was to be a country music singer, but I can't carry a tune in a bucket. The second was to play major league baseball, but I couldn't hit my body weight against good pitching. The third was to be Governor of South Carolina, but I've really grown sour on the idea of running for office although I haven't totally ruled it out. (my wife has though...LOL)
7. Speaking of politics, I served two terms the State Chairman of College Republicans in SC and I was the youngest delegate from South Carolina to the 2000 GOP National Convention in Philadelphia. (Strom Thurmond was the oldest)
8. I like to drive fast. I've been to numerous race car driving schools and I don't mean the thing where you go follow an instructor for 10 laps and get a certificate. I'm talking about multi-day things where they teach you how to go fast. I'm able to achieve a focus when I'm behind the wheel of race car that I can't achieve anywhere else. Trying not to get killed will do that to a man I guess.
9. Making my wife laugh is one of the simple pleasures in life that I hope I never take for granted again.
10. I have many limitations as a man, but one of the biggest ones is that I may be the least "handy" man to ever be born into my family. It's so bad that sometimes when friends are doing handyman projects they will call me and ask if I'd like to come over and get in the way.
More to come later.
6. I've had three dreams of what I'd like to accomplish in life. The first was to be a country music singer, but I can't carry a tune in a bucket. The second was to play major league baseball, but I couldn't hit my body weight against good pitching. The third was to be Governor of South Carolina, but I've really grown sour on the idea of running for office although I haven't totally ruled it out. (my wife has though...LOL)
7. Speaking of politics, I served two terms the State Chairman of College Republicans in SC and I was the youngest delegate from South Carolina to the 2000 GOP National Convention in Philadelphia. (Strom Thurmond was the oldest)
8. I like to drive fast. I've been to numerous race car driving schools and I don't mean the thing where you go follow an instructor for 10 laps and get a certificate. I'm talking about multi-day things where they teach you how to go fast. I'm able to achieve a focus when I'm behind the wheel of race car that I can't achieve anywhere else. Trying not to get killed will do that to a man I guess.
9. Making my wife laugh is one of the simple pleasures in life that I hope I never take for granted again.
10. I have many limitations as a man, but one of the biggest ones is that I may be the least "handy" man to ever be born into my family. It's so bad that sometimes when friends are doing handyman projects they will call me and ask if I'd like to come over and get in the way.
More to come later.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
25 Random things about me (first installment)
I did this list back when it was going around Facebook a couple of years ago...figured I'd repost because I've made a lot of new friends since then.
1. I'm a country bumpkin. Let's get that straight right off the bat. I hunt, fish, like Nascar, drive a tractor, and I've castrated pigs on the farm. And though she isn't as country as I am, my wife once clogged at the Grand Ole' Opry when she was a girl. That's bona fide!
2. Having children is the greatest thing I've ever done. Words can't describe how much I love them.
3. The most important days to come in my life will be the days when my kids accept Christ as their savior. Living an example of Christian faith in front of my children is the most important priority in my life.
4. A good steak and my Mom's onion rings has been my favorite meal for as long as I can remember.
5. I am unapologetically Southern, and it's a good thing too because my accent kind of makes it difficult to pretend to be anything else. Keep your stinkin' yankee oatmeal. I'll be eating grits.
Be looking for 6-10 next week.
1. I'm a country bumpkin. Let's get that straight right off the bat. I hunt, fish, like Nascar, drive a tractor, and I've castrated pigs on the farm. And though she isn't as country as I am, my wife once clogged at the Grand Ole' Opry when she was a girl. That's bona fide!
2. Having children is the greatest thing I've ever done. Words can't describe how much I love them.
3. The most important days to come in my life will be the days when my kids accept Christ as their savior. Living an example of Christian faith in front of my children is the most important priority in my life.
4. A good steak and my Mom's onion rings has been my favorite meal for as long as I can remember.
5. I am unapologetically Southern, and it's a good thing too because my accent kind of makes it difficult to pretend to be anything else. Keep your stinkin' yankee oatmeal. I'll be eating grits.
Be looking for 6-10 next week.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Truly Amazing People
This past Saturday night was about as good as it gets for me in watching sports. I got to watch two friends executing in their sport at the highest level. I flipped between watching my friend Ray Allen and the Boston Celtics put a whipping on the Miami Heat on ABC and seeing Kasey Kahne leading the most laps in the #4 Red Bull Toyota at the Southern 500 on Fox. I've been fortunate to have several friends who either are or were formerly professional athletes but I'd never been able to flip between watching two of them at the same time. I have to admit that I went to bed Saturday right proud of myself for being so connected to such famous, successful and amazing people.
On Sunday morning I got up and took the family to church. We'd been in Sunday School for about 5 minutes when God hit me up side my head with a 2 X 4 of truth and perspective. Two stories were told in our sharing time prior to the lesson that put some perspective on what being an amazing person really is all about. (I will share the stories here with first name only to preserve privacy)
My friend Robin teaches 4 year old kindergarten in Irmo, SC. She had shared with us some weeks previously about a girl in her class whose mother was in the midst of a very complicated pregnancy that was going to require her to be hospitalized in Pennsylvania up until she gave birth. She was going to have to be away from her family for several months. Robin updated us on the situation Sunday. She first shared that all was going as well as could be expected medically under the circumstances. Then she shared that the family member who had been caring for the girl in her mother's absence was being forced to return home. There had been some uncertainty as to what would happen because the child's father had a demanding work schedule and could not afford to lose his job. Finally, she told us that she and her husband had decided that they would take the little girl in until her mother returns from the hospital. She and her husband asked the group to pray for them and their children as they prepared for this opportunity to show the love of Christ to these people in tremendous need.
Before anyone could really comment on this another Brother asked that we would be in prayer for another class member named Chris because of what he had done on Friday. Many in the class didn't know what Chris had done so it had to be recounted for everyone. Chris is active in prison ministry. Over the past year, he had befriended a man on death row who had been found guilty of three murders, the last of which had actually occurred in prison. As I understood it, Chris had a hand in leading this man to Christ. The man had been scheduled for execution Friday evening for his crimes and as part of the preparation that does along with that, he got to pick one person to come spend the last 10 hours of his life with him in his cell. The man chose Chris. Chris spent from 8AM to 6PM on Friday with his friend and didn't leave his side until they came to take him to the death chamber.
As our class secretary wound up the sharing time with a prayer and I stood to teach, the Lord convicted me about my misplaced pride from Saturday night and I had to confess it to our class.
Now I don't want it to seem like I'm implying anything negative about Ray and Kasey. They are both humble, hard working, charitable and worthy of admiration for the excellence they display in their fields. But what I was struck with so powerfully was the immense nature of what these two people right in my very own Sunday School class were doing and how easy it is to get caught up in pride about the temporary and worldly things we do instead of rightly focusing on the things we do that count for eternity.
I'm so thankful to know and serve with people like Robin and Chris. They are truly amazing.
On Sunday morning I got up and took the family to church. We'd been in Sunday School for about 5 minutes when God hit me up side my head with a 2 X 4 of truth and perspective. Two stories were told in our sharing time prior to the lesson that put some perspective on what being an amazing person really is all about. (I will share the stories here with first name only to preserve privacy)
My friend Robin teaches 4 year old kindergarten in Irmo, SC. She had shared with us some weeks previously about a girl in her class whose mother was in the midst of a very complicated pregnancy that was going to require her to be hospitalized in Pennsylvania up until she gave birth. She was going to have to be away from her family for several months. Robin updated us on the situation Sunday. She first shared that all was going as well as could be expected medically under the circumstances. Then she shared that the family member who had been caring for the girl in her mother's absence was being forced to return home. There had been some uncertainty as to what would happen because the child's father had a demanding work schedule and could not afford to lose his job. Finally, she told us that she and her husband had decided that they would take the little girl in until her mother returns from the hospital. She and her husband asked the group to pray for them and their children as they prepared for this opportunity to show the love of Christ to these people in tremendous need.
Before anyone could really comment on this another Brother asked that we would be in prayer for another class member named Chris because of what he had done on Friday. Many in the class didn't know what Chris had done so it had to be recounted for everyone. Chris is active in prison ministry. Over the past year, he had befriended a man on death row who had been found guilty of three murders, the last of which had actually occurred in prison. As I understood it, Chris had a hand in leading this man to Christ. The man had been scheduled for execution Friday evening for his crimes and as part of the preparation that does along with that, he got to pick one person to come spend the last 10 hours of his life with him in his cell. The man chose Chris. Chris spent from 8AM to 6PM on Friday with his friend and didn't leave his side until they came to take him to the death chamber.
As our class secretary wound up the sharing time with a prayer and I stood to teach, the Lord convicted me about my misplaced pride from Saturday night and I had to confess it to our class.
Now I don't want it to seem like I'm implying anything negative about Ray and Kasey. They are both humble, hard working, charitable and worthy of admiration for the excellence they display in their fields. But what I was struck with so powerfully was the immense nature of what these two people right in my very own Sunday School class were doing and how easy it is to get caught up in pride about the temporary and worldly things we do instead of rightly focusing on the things we do that count for eternity.
I'm so thankful to know and serve with people like Robin and Chris. They are truly amazing.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
We don't need to raise taxes on ANYBODY!
President Obama rolled out his plan today to eliminate 4 trillion dollars from the budget deficit. Predictably, it included plans for a massive tax increase on "the wealthy".
Of course that sounds good...most of us aren't wealthy so it's easy to say soak the rich. But is that really a good idea?
Let's say you had a child who came to you and asked for a raise in his allowance to invest in his future. Now assume that child had a demonstrated history of reckless and irresponsible spending. Would you give him the allowance right away or would you make him prove his reckless days were over?
Common sense and parental love says that you would make the child prove that he had learned a lesson. Well friends, that child is President Obama. He wants a raise in the government's allowance. Evidently he thinks that he can convince enough people to throw common sense out the window and support his spending habit.
The President doesn't seem to understand that our government doesn't have a problem with revenue. It has a spending problem and a bad one at that. The truth is that we can't tax our way out of this hole. If we collected 100% of the income of all the people in the highest marginal tax bracket, we would still have over a 1 trillion dollar deficit in this year alone.
The President hasn't learned a thing and he doesn't deserve the raise he's asking for.
Of course that sounds good...most of us aren't wealthy so it's easy to say soak the rich. But is that really a good idea?
Let's say you had a child who came to you and asked for a raise in his allowance to invest in his future. Now assume that child had a demonstrated history of reckless and irresponsible spending. Would you give him the allowance right away or would you make him prove his reckless days were over?
Common sense and parental love says that you would make the child prove that he had learned a lesson. Well friends, that child is President Obama. He wants a raise in the government's allowance. Evidently he thinks that he can convince enough people to throw common sense out the window and support his spending habit.
The President doesn't seem to understand that our government doesn't have a problem with revenue. It has a spending problem and a bad one at that. The truth is that we can't tax our way out of this hole. If we collected 100% of the income of all the people in the highest marginal tax bracket, we would still have over a 1 trillion dollar deficit in this year alone.
The President hasn't learned a thing and he doesn't deserve the raise he's asking for.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
My current reading material...
I love to read and I read quite a bit. Sometime soon I hope to post a blog about some of my favorite books and how they have helped shape my thinking. Before I do that though I'll just share a list of what I'm reading right now. I'll try to post the current reading list every few weeks as I start a new batch of books.
Here's what I'm reading right now:
The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul. Hard to believe I had never read this 25 year old classic.
A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller. Just getting started but the book comes highly recommended from people I respect a great deal.
Forgotten God by Francis Chan. Another great effort from Chan that challenges the average Christian in his understanding and appreciation of the power of the Holy Spirit.
The New Guidebook for Pastors by Mac Brunson and James Bryant. It's a very comprehensive and helpful guide for men at all stages of a ministry career.
Here's what I'm reading right now:
The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul. Hard to believe I had never read this 25 year old classic.
A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller. Just getting started but the book comes highly recommended from people I respect a great deal.
Forgotten God by Francis Chan. Another great effort from Chan that challenges the average Christian in his understanding and appreciation of the power of the Holy Spirit.
The New Guidebook for Pastors by Mac Brunson and James Bryant. It's a very comprehensive and helpful guide for men at all stages of a ministry career.
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